We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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