yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
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I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.