So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The struggles of a small town man whore
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.