The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
