Tell her she can't have a vagina
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.