Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.