yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
