meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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