why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
