it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
