Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
