I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
