"it" just moved
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
