You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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