Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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