I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
