I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
