You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize