Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
