$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
