Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
