he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
