Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize