You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
