i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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