She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
