If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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