I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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