alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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