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Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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