I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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