escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
