Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize