you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
