i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
