didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
