if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't put those talents on a resume
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
