I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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