If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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