I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
