sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
