we have officially lost it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize