Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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