im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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