Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You need Xanax blowdarts
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
