Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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