Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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