I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
