What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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