I'm drive I can fine osifer
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
