hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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