you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i need some magic done to my vagina
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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