we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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