Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
