Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
