when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
