it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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