sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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