its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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