I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
