My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
