During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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