are you still at the devil's house?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
