my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
