I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
