the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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