I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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