In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
