Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
