I could make wine with my vomit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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