There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize