Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
