just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
