If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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