ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
