just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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