I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
