Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
