We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
