The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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