dude i'm inner monologue high
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
