Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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