I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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