So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
