I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
