I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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