D3 body, D1 cock
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
