I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
