Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
