haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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