I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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