if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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