I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
