You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
